New Beginnings

By Annette Peters

It was the moment when my life as forever changed. 

It was a cold January day when my husband of eight-and-a-half years uttered the words, “Baby, I’m leaving,” as he casually sipped his Pepsi.

I was shocked. I knew we had drifted apart, but I figured that was due to hectic schedules, busy jobs, volunteering at church, and my daughters being in high school with all that entailed. You know, life! I remember clinging to him and unashamedly begging him to stay as tears streamed down my face, ensuring him that we could work it out, that God had brought us together and had a plan for us.

To no avail. He left and never returned.

I was devastated. I never saw it coming. This can’t be happening...again! What is wrong with me? I have to save this! I can’t have two failed marriages! What a loser! Why am I not enough? How will I provide as a single mom? Am I really so unlovable? My heart literally hurt and I questioned how anyone could live with this kind of pain.

WHAT NOW?

But in the midst of all those questions and the pain, I had hope. I can’t explain it, except it was a peace that surpassed my understanding, just as God promises us in Philippians 4:7. It became clear that we both should have sought counseling. This was a second marriage for both of us; what I didn’t realize at that time was that neither of us had healed from or dealt with our first failed marriages.

I was introduced to an amazing counselor, Debbie. She helped me walk through the process of grief, loss, depression, and all the other emotions that are part of healing. After several months of meeting with her, she suggested DivorceCare, a 13-week workshop to assist in healing from separation and divorce.

I wasn’t interested. Surely I didn’t need that! How in the world would it help me to share my deepest pain and embarrassment with others? Hello, this was my second separation and divorce! But I respected and trusted her. So I agreed—but only after she promised I just had to go to the first three classes; and then if I hadn’t gained anything, I could stop. And that was my plan: to attend the first three classes and then be done.

That dreaded night came when I had to go to the first session. At a snail’s pace, I made my way up to the fourth floor of Southeast’s Blankenbaker Campus, and then down the “hallway of shame” to the classroom. With my head down and my heart racing, I walked in.

A NEW SONG

A kind woman named Linda greeted me with a warm smile and introduced me to the facilitators for the classes. After she gave me some paperwork to fill out, I went to find a seat. Then, someone called my name—a woman who was filling out paperwork like me. It was a former co-worker! I was so glad to see her! I mean, I hated that she was in a divorce class, but it felt like a little gift from God that I’d have someone to endure this class with. She knew a couple of the other participants and introduced them to me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone.

Once the class began, I learned the facilitators had all experienced divorce, yet they seemed to be thriving as individuals. This gave me hope that maybe someday I could get there too. We broke off into two small groups after watching a DVD comparing divorce to a tornado that threatened to destroy our world. Preach it! I happened to be in the group of a facilitator named Jeff, and I learned that he, too, had been divorced twice. What?! Again, this felt like a little gift from God; I’d been sure that I was the only one there going through a second separation.

Well, the first three classes came and went. I kept going, and didn’t miss a single one. DivorceCare became a safe refuge, free from judgment and full of grace. I made new friends. I learned so much and began journaling, which God used to draw me nearer to Him than I had ever been before. Psalm 34:18 (NLT) came alive to me: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

During this desperate season in my life, I couldn’t wait for my “quiet time” with God each night to journal about the day, what I was learning, my pain, my disappointment, my anger, and my prayers. After seven years, these pages became a book, titled A Song to Sing. This is my story of God’s healing, and I published it with the prayer that He would use it to help others.

THIS IS THE YEAR

That first class was 12 years ago. Since then, I’ve facilitated more than thirty 13-week DivorceCare workshops, walking alongside others experiencing divorce. My favorite part about facilitating these sessions is having a front-row seat to experience God healing hearts! That never gets old.

As we start this new year, it is the perfect time for a new beginning. I know it is scary to take that first step, but if you are going through a divorce, or if you have been divorced for some time but you’ve never walked through the healing journey, I hope you will consider joining us in the Care Ministry.

It is never too late for God to bring healing, restoration, and renewal. Let this be the year!

Learn more about the Care Ministry.